Inspiration Chapter 1
Prelude
What if I told you, my first book Quiet is incomplete. Quiet was fueled by a parallel story through my heart. While I was physically hurt by my family, and external elements, it never hurt straight into the heart. In parallel, I transformed because of heartbreak, I succeeded because of inspiration given to me by love, and that is the true fuel of my life. One I hesitate to mention, or I never bothered to because no one could hear it.
Sitting in math class, I arrive, walk to the back to join my best friend, we are both athletes, inside my bag I brought chocolates, bananas, and I started sharing it with her and we ate. We forgot about the world around us, we just minded our own business. Then, comes Mme Rivet, our math teacher who is teaching us algebra. She says hi, and people often wondered why she is always so nice with us. Our classmates turn around and begin to complain, why do they get to eat and not do anything? They aren't even writing notes down and you are teaching algebra. Mme Rivet stood up to the class and said, well, these two have a 100% average in this class, they can do whatever they want, they are obviously listening.
These are little moments that I still remember vividly, ask me how, I really have no idea. The emotions of safety, of a teacher having my back, or me being alongside someone I love and shared with her snacks. It's so simple isn't it?
My friend fueled me and our report cards are 96% in physics, 95% in chemistry, 100% in math, an unarguable performance and why is that? Why is there such a large contrast in my physical life, vs. my soulful life?
On the outside, I have a violent family, one where my father would hit me, torture me because he did not know how to fuel his own energy. I was the punching bag of the entire family, even my uncles dared to hit me. My mother could not do anything, she only felt pain, ache, and no where to go, she was trapped. Because the idea of leaving my father would mean she would have to leave me and my brother. So she tolerated for years.
While all of this family chaos happened, I was fueling my energy and performing with flying colors, getting me into the best school in town. My friend allowed me to be intense, she showed me I can be precise, performed, alongside her, she is an extraordinarily intelligent person one with incredible maturity that goes beyond her years. And I often wondered how can she possibly be like that.
Once in your lifetime, you get to meet one , or maybe two people who shake your world entirely but gives you fuel to propel yourself to do the impossible. If I did not have this encouragement and inspiration, I wouldn't be where I am today.
So now, the question is, where do you find success?
The ending to this friendship destroyed me completely, it felt abandonment, and back then, I did not know myself well enough, I lost myself in the process of loving someone. She told me, you have to get to know yourself more, and although I hurt you, don't stop trusting the next person who comes along.
Imagine two 16 years old speaking like that. Ouf!
In this book, I am living through emotions on a daily basis and I can only dissect with you my own facts, psychology, and patterns.
In this time capsule, I was so heart broken that in the moment, it hurt a lot, I cried for years, but now 23 years later, I realized this is living, this is growth. I have grown over the years and these special individuals who come into your life, who sometimes leave, sometimes stay are there to help us grow as a human being. To ignite emotions that may be dormant in us, to awakened us to change our perspective that may be stagnant, and to help us discover more of who we are.
I am turning 40 in june, and this prelude, over time, I will add a few more update pages or write a second volume. But I can only write until now. I can only tell you about love from 16 to 40.
This, I hope can sooth you in your current pains, in your confusions, in your decisions whether it is working on a marriage, gaining the courage to love someone, feeling pain from loss, and most importantly, finding yourself and fueling this energy into productivity, creations, arts , inspiring yourself to do things you have always wanted to do. And that on a rainy day, you walk outside, feeling the breezy, the release and the relief of your journey, one where you became more of who you are because of the adventures you consciously decided to live through.
Those who seek, find.
I do not dare causing you pain, if I sense hesitation, I want to come forward and be there for you. Because I know that when I will be gone, you will feel pain and that is enough. But as long as I live, I would not want to cause pain to you.
Inspiration fuels artwork, music,
Inspiration
kindness not want to hurt anyone, restraint, hesitation,
real world (the body) vs. surreal world (the mind)
sacrifice
Ache
Communication - honesty, breaks pain, tackling something together
Having the courage to love someone
Facing challenges head on rather than running away from them
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It may sound like a guide, and as I sit in front of class, looking at my students working on their exercises, I ask two of them, somehow who loves hovering around me. Am I doing this right? I always tell and support people in how to deal with their things and I always say be honest, be direct knowing it takes so much courage to do so, and here I am in the middle of a situation where I have to deal and actually do it. How come it feels so strange? It feel abnormal, that's not what people do! People run away from their feelings, people avoid talking, people suppress their own emotions to be stupidly generous? I don't know why people came up with these rules just to hurt themselves. What if I can imagine a world where we do not have to hurt ourselves, where we can be fully transparent with the people we love and tackle things together rather than separately. Why does it have to be so complicated?
So they tell me, Samie, blast some music, you've done the right thing, and at the end of the day whatever the result is, you have gained respect, integrity and grace. And it's the best truth for you.
Section 1 - 16 to 40 that shapes inspiration
Chapter 1 - 2 Pearls
Chapter 2 - Mortality
Section 2 - Married life
People have a way of putting into our heads how life should be, the path we should take. After my first episode, I grew up, I closed the books, and I hopped onto the journey of finding a steady love, one who I know will always be there for me, a pebble in my life. A man who loves me dearly , together we have 2 beautiful kids, and live the perfect life.
People tell us from a young age, get married, have kids, and that's the list. And I navigate each day hearing people looking to accomplish that, I want to find the love of my life, I want to have children, I want to have someone to create this perfect picture. But is it really a perfect picture? Why are we pressuring ourselves, in a hurry to do that? So what's next?
The next steps take a lot of effort and work, because as you fall in love, you can also fall out of love and this becomes conscious decisions that align with the paths of your ambitions, of your life itself.
My parents were unhappy, I am very happy, and I may have reached a place of privilege where I can choose further than that.
Alongside marriage, are also separations, co-parenting, and the conscious decision to work on a relationship to sustain it. These are topics we don't talk enough about. Is it because it is taboo? We don't want to hear the bad news?
These are not bad news, these are growth stories. Why do we keep seeking for love knowing it will cause us pain? Why don't we just not look, and not get hurt?
Why do we avoid the hard conversations and only focus on sharing with people our happy conversations?
Beneath these happy faces , are complexities we may not want to hide from, but rather confront them clearly.
Chapters 3 - Separation
Chapter 4 - Dance!
Small gestures of love say so much within a relationship. dusting someone's pants, fixing their jacket, putting her a belt , these very small gestures that are somehow invisible contribute to gestures of love. Standing behind my son to protect him, helping me with bags, taking a table out of my hands knowing I am overwhelmed .
Chapter 5 - Pebble
Section 3 - An intense self awakening
Chapter 6 - Explosion of the self, a discovery of the self curiously, growth, fully embracing who you truly are
Final Chapter 7 - Rain - walk outside and feel the breeze, the air and the conviction that moving forward in life, you are now untouchable, you will continue being vulnerable, but you have reached a stage where you have the maturity to deal with any challenges with honesty, full hearted and treat the situations to come with care, with love with as much as you can.
You have no hesitation in telling someone you love that you love them fully, and within circumstances, you will together tackle it.
This self exploration and reaching this stage of " I have nothing else to prove, I am just grateful for my life" is the most beautiful continuation of growth, being open to learning, being able to do everything you can in order to hold on to people you care about. To have a fully open heart and to continue this with your professional life, every encounter you will find, to listen intently, to observe, sense hesitations, and to soothe pain, to always put your heart first.
This will influence leadership positions in this life
even though quietly within your soul, within a conversation you will have between two private people. You can keep things simple and communicate. We don't live in a world suppression anymore, we live in a world where we can express ourselves, be free to talk, because we have options. Women today have options in their life, their are educated, they have choice, they can take care of everything, and companionship becomes a conscious choice. This , is, the final transformation of a brand new world, one where we will influence our generation of sons and daughters to open up in the same way. You do not have to fear, you have choice today. You are brilliant, extraordinary, exceptional and you are free to love.
You are not stuck, you do not have to tolerate torture, insults, pain, unlove and stay in the same place, you can talk, you can communicate and it transcends you.
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